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if you don't like my posts, please click the red x on the top right corner, or click here.
if you love me, welcome ! i don't give a damn about what you think though.
but for those haters, don't be so thick-skinned. just scram :] you'll be appreciated for your efforts.
let's make life easier for us, yeas ?
do leave a tag before you go, but negative comments will be deleted.
i hate goodbyes, i love hellos.
i wish you have a good time reading my blog and i hope to see you again.

autobiography shut up and read. my name is Lydia and I first cried on 23 September. that's all you need to know. life has always been a huge roller coaster ride for me, full of ups and downs, making me start to get tired of it. I feel like getting love drunk, falling into this beautiful dream and not coming out to face the reality.

spams the chatterbox gathering.

departures we're going on a journey. not listed? tag me to be linked. aretha, betty, chloecherilyn, d, e, fatin, glennis, h, isabel, jonathan, k, l, michellemelvin, natalia, one kejuju'11, p, q, r, sherrellsix diligence'10, t, u, vinnie, w, x, yi yingyen sun, z.

credits acknowledgements. Layout done by 16thday Resources 1 2 3 *DO NOT REMOVE THE CREDITS, THANKYOU.

Yay :D
I finally realised I'm hated by all my classmates o:
I'm thinking about transferring to another Pri. school now .
Waah, and today I watch Water Horse, so touching until I cry ;x
Hehe, Mr Wan cannot leave tag ;p
Click on Chitchats. can liaos mahs o-o
The APBL Mr Wan say form our own groupings, I want teacher help us T-T
Then Cherilyn ask me meet her, then I ask her meet me, she say no time, have tuition, then still have time ask me meet her -.-
Then I ask why is everytime I meet her, then she say what I unreasonable, and said "That's why I don't want to work with you! Everytime like that!" She also -.-
So now I finally realised I'm hated by everyone ! WOOTS !
Claudia in m group also >;l
I don't mind if I'm in 5R or 5W even, I just want to fit in !
Then horhs, our group supposed to be the highest, Cherilyn's got 3380 points, they got minus alot before, I think they cheat .
If they cheat minus 200 points lorhs -.-
They put their points under the uh, Group Name, then when Cherilyn ask Yun Ling, Michelle, Cassilda and Yu Rong accept her, Yun Ling declined, Cherilyn said she think she decline because she don't show her group points .
I also thought of asking them to let me in, but I doubt so .
Teacher also TRIED to help me find a group, no one wants to accept me -.-
Then after that lot of people staring at me ..
I think this is the only place where I can express all my feelings .
Now I finally realised I'm hated so much .
I wish I could go Respect, where no one knows me, and maybe I can find better friends there, but, lol . I sure top their class -.-
Anw the Math Test I failed . Q6 should be 43, I go put 37 . Q12 should be uh, 120-42=78 .
78/2=39 . 39x4=156 .
So I think I got 24/30 -.-
I fail every test D; And m cannot see whiteboard's words, unclear, so need change lenses . Cassilda don't even let me copy now .
Mr Wan said that 13 is an unlucky number, now I believe it . The MOST unlucky number -.-
I was wishing I was 12 at the year-start, and it became 13 . Worse of all was all my subjects I also number 13 . Chinese 13, Form class, 13 -.-
I'm so depressed .
I don't care what I write here because even if I told others, they won't listen . Finds me annoying, seriously . If no one sees this, at least I can keep it to myself and the grievances are all spilled out -.-
It's not the first time I've known this, actually .
The previous blog with 70++ posts I deleted also got this frequently D;
And Cherilyn said "EVERYONE in class don't like you, and I'm your best friend, so they don't accept me also!" So Cherilyn minds I'm her best friend, she doesn't like me .
She rather hangs out with Evelyn .
Majority even I try play with others, I could feel the feeling of me being hated ..
Am I so dislikeful ? I guess so :D
Kays, I'll be happy about it . I'll be proud that everyone in school hates me and none likes me, I'll remember that :D I'm the hated girl ;p Heheh .
Haiz ..
I think I'm just lying to myself .
Sooner or later ..
Oh well, 1 more year . ( SO LONG )
I really do hope as I said, that, when I ( I said myself and not we, because I don't feel I belong in that group ) go to Xi'an, I will meet some nice friends which finds me nice too :D
And when I first asked Yiwen to partner me, she also had to ask her friends ..
I feel that people hold grudges against me, I've been treating them my best, they do something I don't like, I say nothing, okay .
They say I acting asthma during catching to avoid being the catcher, I say nothing, okay .
I asked them a little favour and they declined .
Today Evelyn say want help me get spores from ferns, then suddenly say can I go myself or not, she wants to go back . She told me she was free -.-
This should be my longest post yet .
I think I like to hang out at the classroom, where nobody stays when it's recess .
I'm destined for it :D
So many retests .
People may think I'm bossy, arrogant, what about them ? Are they perfect ? NO !
They say I'm bossy, I say nothing, okay . I act as nothing happened, remain cheerful infront of them and crack jokes .
I remember last year Cassilda said "When I first saw you, people say you VERY arrogant and bossy lehs ."
I'm not arrogant, or do they know the meaning ? Bossy, yes :D
I'm proud to be one, meaning I can be a boss next time, lol . Just joking .
That's what I called joking, I act as nothing has happened and I act like I like the fact that I'm that character .
You think I want to be one ? Have you even been to a place and feel like you don't belong ?
Ugh .
I don't care if your name is stated and you say I'm a backstabber and betrayer, so what ?
You too did that ! You backstabbed me and betrayed me, and act like nothing EVER happened !
I'm pouring everything out already !
I don't care if I repeat, that means that lots of these happenings happened in the past !
You know who I hate most ?!
ALL OF YOU !
If you don't like me, and you detest me, why should I ask myself to like you ?!
You don't give me the feeling of a friend, and sometimes you all just use me to get YOUR own benefits and then you pretended as you were like before; as you hated me .
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE HATED BY EVERYONE ?! I DON'T FEEL A SENSE OF BELONGING ! I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF ! I DID MENTION IT TO MY FRIENDS, THEY DON'T SEEM CONCERNED ! THEY CAN SMILE AND THINK IT'S GREAT ! THEY CAN THINK I'M JOKING ! YOU THINK SO ? I REALLY FEEL LIKE BUYING A PACKET OF PANADOL AND EAT ALL THE PILLS ! I WISH I COULD SLEEP FOREVER AND NOT WAKE UP ! Who do you all think you are ? So great ?
Backstabbers ! You think you hate me ? I hate you too !
I DON'T CARE !
Have you ever cried over your friends ? Just because of these issues ?
I did ! TODAY ! You might think it's funny, but since I don't have any friends, I treasure my friends alot, even if it's one . You might think I don't act like I care, but ask Cherilyn !
When she's being chased, she stands behind me ! She acts like a small sister ! I asked her to stop someone from chasing me, she ran off ! Or just shield me awhile ! Someone hit her, I help her avenge, someone hits me, she don't care !
She doesn't even know me as well as you think !
I know her ! PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW ME ! IF I ASKED THEM ABOUT THE THINGS, I BET THEY COULD GET ALL WRONG !
I don't care if this post is 1 full page long !
Almost everyday I have to face this, and I don't type it here, I don't feel like it !
BUT TODAY I'M TYPING MOST OF IT !
Chloe said that "Lydia, you have the biggest mouth arhs, don't tell this arhs" ME ?!
Hah ! I only tell it when THEY betray my secrets, have they ? APPARENTLY YES !
All of them betrayed my secrets ! EVERY ONE OF THEM ! ( Natalie seems the best .. )
Can I trust them again ?
They betray my secrets, I just tell them they mad at me, okay, I act as nothing happened .
I act as I didn't hear it and they didn't betray me !
I GAVE YOU LOTS OF CHANCES !
YOU ALL SACRIFICED THEM !
You might think why I don't do my homework and why I spend most of my time gaming,
I'll tell you why .
Online, I feel like I fit in with others, they treat me well . In reality, I suck !
I play games not because I like it, it's because to forget every single thing I hate !
BUT I TRIED !
TODAY I PLAYED AUDITION AND HABBO, YET I STILL CAN REMEMBER IT !
Audition, yes . I used 1 and a half or so hour to play it ! I had fun ! I fitted in, but when I closed the server, I remembered everything, not like the past, where I could forget it .
If everything could start over again ..
I would have chosen not to have asthma, I would have chosen to fit in, I would have chosen, the best of all, NOT TO BE BORNED !
I think you all would be so much happier .
People say, what's the point of sacrificing yourself than to the whole world ?
Because of everyone, I kept all this to my heart .
I'M SHEDDING TEARS FOR YOU ALL NOW ! I SHEDDED FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BEFORE !
You might not notice that and care .
But I hate you, CHERILYN, I HATE YOU !
Don't think I forgot this . I'm telling it now .
Two years ago, when we were Primary 3 and learning Photography, just because I took a candid shot of Cherilyn, she asked her whole group to chase me everywhere I went !
THEY EVEN DID IT IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER !
I cried, did they care ? NO ! Cherilyn seemed delighted to have her revenge, her group enjoyed it . They apologised forcefully . They said I was like a movie star, they were the reporters . THEY FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE ! It lasted for the whole session, I went to the Science Garden, they followed . I went to the Dioramas, they followed, and that was went I turned back and they took lots of photos at me and I SHOUTED at them that attracted teachers attention and I cried . THEY STILL TOOK PHOTOS OF ME CRYING AND THEY SEEMED HAPPY ! I cried for the whole session, did Cherilyn care ? NO ! She acted as if nothing had happened.
Okay, I forgave her . And then her group threatened me that if I put Cherilyn's photo of her smiling ( Candid shot ) on our presentation, they would put the photos of me on too !
What could I do ? I had to delete them .
I'm tired of crying for people who doesn't deserve these tears .
When I was sobbing at school alone, they ask me whether I was crying, I smiled at them, and said no .
I didn't want them to worry .
Then they went and was gone .
I went back into crying .
I am sure that NONE of you cried for me before, because you don't treat me as a true friend !
A true friend helps you when you are in need, a true friend knows you inside out, a true friend cries with you and for you .
All I wanted was to fit in and I wanted a true friend ..
I'm totally giving up now ...
Crocodile tears, you might think . These are tears of friendship !
Kays, I think this lasted two pages .
I do have more, but I'll spare it .
If this goes on, and you still want to hear, I'll say . Oh, what ? You want to hear ? Alright then . Whose ? OH ! Okay . Vinnie .
Last year, Cherilyn and Vinnie interacting through a piece of paper ( Normal communication in class ) . I saw "Did she threaten you?" What did I say ? I just asked her a question on who is her best friend .
Everytime I ask Cherilyn that, she avoids it . HOW LONG ?! IT TOOK YOU THREE YEARS TO ANSWER IT ?!
I'm quite done, but I'm sure a week later I've still got a long way to go, watch out .
Everyday I have something upsetting .
Which makes you happy :D

Labels: hated by everyone, Left out, lonely, unbelonged